We
have all encountered people that complain about work, family,
finances, politics, dining, sports, driving, and anything that does
not go the way they want it to in their lives. There is never a
silver lining. Everything happens to them because of the works of
others. They know all the answers and will not stop until their
beliefs are accepted. When you have to deal with these people and
can not remove them from your existence, try the following five ways
to overcome their negative aura with positive energy.
1) Listen and don't interrupt.
People of this nature need attention and must be heard. Interrupting
them only sparks more fuel to the fire because they need to prove
their point of view is right. Once they are interrupted, they tune
out everything you have to say and any valid points you have will
not be received.
2) Point out positive ideas in their
stories.
Once they have stopped taking over the conversation, politely point
out the positive points in their stories. A "look at the bright
side", "it could be worse", or "you definitely mean well" phrase
usually calms them down and makes them believe you are a proponent.
After all, they are complaining or pushing the envelope only to gain
some allies.
3) Keep discussions and emails succinct.
The less time spent entertaining them, the better for your positive
mental energy. When conversations are short, it provides less time
and energy for them to attack and hone in on negative remarks.
Negative people painstakingly take the time to point out everyone's
flaws but their own. They never take the blame for anything but
deflect it on others' persuasive tactics or incompetence. Keeping
interactions short limits the attacks on other people and their
opportunities to "throw others under the bus".
4) Make them feel good about themselves.
Usually negative people have self-esteem issues or are not happy
with some aspect of their life. If at all possible, give three small
complements and/or words of encouragement or reinforcement to
temporarily satisfy the happiness they are yearning. These
compliments can be related to anything - fashion, timeliness, weight
loss, intelligence, great children, or athleticism.
5) Agree to Disagree
Every conversation or interaction does not have to end in an
argument. Yes, you can agree there are many incompetent people with
jobs. True, you can agree that another approach may have been better
for the circumstance. Indeed, people can make mistakes and take
advantage of what matters most to an individual because every one
has different priorities in life. Being non-confrontational with a
confrontational person calms the spirit, especially when they are
caught off-guard with the phrase "Let's agree to disagree".
Positive, calm-spirited individuals will tell you that it makes no
sense to argue with a negative person because they must always have
the final say and of course, must be right.
Life definitely deals everyone some challenges but it is not what
happens that determines the outcome but the reaction and action put
in place to overcome the circumstance. Too often, people dwell in
the complaining stage and make themselves victims to some avoidable
situations, eventually becoming a negative person. These five
methods can help you keep your cool and remain peaceful and positive
when dealing with these types of people. Of course, the best
approach is to minimize or alleviate communications. However, when
this is not possible, at least you are armed with techniques to keep
your positive mindset.
By Temeko Richardson
Temeko Richardson, a principal consulting partner
at TSG One Stop, has a combined ten years of experience leading the
architecture and implementation of CRM solutions ranging from
Siebel, SAP and Salesforce.com across various industries for
strategic business models and processes. Whether in leadership,
customer service, or making financial arrangements, negative people
are heard loudly as they voice their opinions about a specific
solution that will not fit their business need like an existing
system. It is, however, possible to still be successful with these
individuals engaged on a project. For more information about having
success with these contributors in place, contact the solutions
group via email at rfa@tsgonestop.com
